Mommy's little (driving) helpers

I always hoped my children would be self-confident, but lately I've been thinking we may have instilled a little TOO much confidence in them.

Because they are absolutely the WORST backseat drivers you've ever seen.

I should take that back. My middle child, Moe, shows no interest in my driving whatsoever, although he does like to roll his window up and down if I don't keep the lock on.

It's Larry and Curly who busy themselves telling me how to drive.*

Larry: [from the third-row seat] Mom! You're going over the speed limit.

Me: [checking speedometer and slowing down] No, I'm not. The speed limit is 45 here and I'm going 45.

Larry: No, it's not. It's 35 here.

Me: I drive on this road every day. It's 45.

Larry: I don't think so. Anyway, you were going 50.

Me: Nah. The speedometer just looks different from your angle.

Then there is my 3-year-old daughter, who, if she retains even half of her current confidence, will someday rule the world. If you should happen to meet her, be sure to get on her good side. Before we go anywhere, Curly likes to draw a "map" on a piece of scrap paper, then she shouts out directions along the way.

Curly: [pointing to the left] Turn right!

Me: I have to go straight.

Curly: No! The map says we have to turn!

Me: I think I know how to get to the grocery store, thanks.

Besides directions, Curly is also in charge of driver safety.

Curly: Mom, why aren't you holding on to the wheel with both hands?

Me: I'm just reckless like that. I live on the edge.

I have to admit, Curly has turned me into a more vigilant driver, because I've had to learn to concentrate and ignore her insistent directions. For instance:

Curly: Go, Mom! The light's green! Go!

Me: [Resisting impulse to step on the gas] Thanks for your help, honey, but that green light is for the people going the other way.


* For those of you just joining us, No, we did not really name our children Larry, Moe, and Curly. Those are just their blog names. Although, wouldn't that have been super cool? But I didn't know I was going to end up with three kids. People having triplets, take note.