Book Review: The No-Cry Discipline Solution

The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears
by Elizabeth Pantley

I’ve always been wary of any parenting “expert” who recommends a one-size-fits-all solution to discipline issues. That’s why I like Elizabeth Pantley’s books so much. She gives great ideas and guidelines, but she acknowledges that parents know their own children best, and that no two kids are alike. As a mother of four with her oldest in college, she has the experience and the perspective to guide parents through the years of tantrums, whining and sleep issues while keeping the big picture in mind.

Pantley’s approach is gentle and respectful toward both children and parents. Besides just correcting the immediate behavior, she feels that the goal and purpose of discipline also includes teaching a lesson, giving the child tools that build self-discipline and emotional control, and building the parent/child relationship.

The book begins by focusing on some essential parenting attitudes and ways to build a strong foundation: ideas for how to relax, enjoy the time with your children more, keep things in perspective and focus on what’s important.

Next, Pantley encourages parents to start by solving the real problem causing the misbehavior. By being more aware of these triggers and using some of her suggested methods to improve cooperation, many behavior problems can be avoided the first place. One of my favorite ideas is to make inanimate objects “talk” to the child. Not only is your kid more likely to cooperate, it also puts both of you in a better mood. It’s almost impossible not to smile while making a pair of shoes ask, “Please, may I go on your feet?”

A sense of humor is certainly helpful, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not there. Instead of laughing, we find ourselves yelling: “For crying out loud, hold still and let me put your shoes on!” Feeling angry toward our precious children is completely normal, yet it doesn’t exactly help us teach them about emotional control. Pantley devotes several chapters to the causes and consequences of parental anger, a topic that is rarely covered so honestly and thoroughly in parenting literature. She includes a number of helpful tips for managing anger and reducing anger-inducing situations.

The last section of the book lists more than 30 of the most common behavior problems. Pantley addresses some of the reasons for each behavior, then offers ideas for what to do and what not to do in response.

I guarantee I’ll be referencing The No-Cry Discipline Solution again and again, whether it's for a specific behavior issue or just a dose of parental perspective.

Have you read The No-Cry Discipline Solution? If so, please post your comments!

Book Review: The Mother Dance

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life
by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

No woman has ever become a mother without being transformed by the experience. While there are many books out there about various aspects of parenting, The Mother Dance is about motherhood itself. I have read this book three times, originally during my first pregnancy, and most recently after the birth of my third child. I expect that as my children grow, I’ll pick the book up again to reference chapters that pertain to my current stage of motherhood.

Writing as both a mother and a psychologist, Harriet Lerner uses entertaining and insightful examples from her own life to illustrate her points. Although she is able to objectively analyze her past actions from a psychological perspective, her scholarly training and experience as a therapist did not stop her from acting irrationally at times with her own family. Parenting—and life—is a learning experience, a journey, and no one is exempt from making bad decisions, experiencing confusion, and just plain going through tough times.

With chapter titles like “Bringing the Baby Home and Other Hazards of Parenting,” “Will Your Child Become a Serial Killer?” and “Enough Guilt for Now, Thank You,” Lerner delves into the feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism and anxiety that accompany all parents. She takes the reader from pregnancy through her trials with two teenage boys, and finally to the empty nest. Along the way, she addresses many thought-provoking issues such as society’s view of a “good” mother, sibling relationships, how your past affects your parenting, and the struggles of working parents.

At times Lerner seems to be critical of moms who make the choice to stay at home full time. However, I really feel that her main criticism is toward the lack of choice women sometimes experience. She points out how, for many couples, inflexibility in the workplace hinders what could be a more equal division of parenting and breadwinner roles.

In my opinion, this book offers something for every mom. Even if you don’t relate to every part of the book, chances are you’ll recognize feelings, issues and struggles from your own experience.

Have you read The Mother Dance? If so, please post your comments!

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Welcome, and thanks for checking out my blog. Whether you’re a friend, acquaintance, friend of a friend, complete stranger, or a family member just checking in to see what I’m up to, I hope you’ll find something to enjoy.

On your visits to this site I hope you will laugh, because we could all use a laugh. If you’re a mom I hope you will connect with other moms, because we all benefit from a greater sense of community. And finally, I hope you’ll discover a book, organization, or idea that you didn’t know about before.

Here’s what to expect on Ruth, the Mom:

Baby Nuthouse: each Wednesday I’ll post a column about life with small children. (In case you’re curious, at the very bottom of this page you’ll find an explanation of the name.)

Humor Every Weekday: Check back often for Ruth Truths, Random Ruth, TV Tuesdays, Thursday Thirteen, and Funny Fridays.

Book Reviews: Once in a while I will review a book related to our lives as moms. There are a lot of them out there, and I always seem to be in the middle of one. If you’ve read a book I review on this blog, please leave a comment with your own opinions so other moms can benefit from multiple perspectives!

Pregnancy, Childbirth and Adoption Resources and Parenting Resources: These are lists of links, and a place where I could really use your help. If you’ve found a Web site to be useful, please let me know so I can expand the lists.

Make a Difference: It’s nice that I can sit here playing around with the fonts and colors on my blog. Some women just don’t have the time; they are too busy carrying water to their village all day, then hoping the water doesn’t make their children sick. I’m including a few of my favorite charitable organizations that are working to bring change to the lives of women and children worldwide. If you know of others, please share.

Reader Participation: Get involved with opportunities to share your own stories, and feel free to leave lots of comments!

Feedback: This site’s effectiveness as a forum depends on feedback from you—yes, YOU—so please post your comments, get involved in discussions, tell me what you’d like to see more of, and share your favorite parenting resources and your own experiences. You can contact me at ruththeperson[at]yahoo[dot]com