Stranger than fiction

While I've been off in my fantasy world trying to make up interesting fictional stories, here in the real world (somehow I am now referring to the Internet as the "real world," go figure) there's been plenty of humor piling up on my Google Analytics page. This is where I can look at the actual words people typed into a search engine that caused my blog to land on their results page.

Of course there are the usual searches for Twizzler nutritional information. Look, people, Twizzlers are NOT healthy, all right? No matter how many calories, or grams of sugar they might have, it should be obvious that at most, they should be a "sometimes food."

Then there are always several searches about LEGO bricks, usually something along the lines of "i hate legos". (Incidentally, if you want to see an inane anonymous comment in which the person refers to me as a "moron" for using the word "Legos" you can click here.)

Anyway, here are a few more of my recent favorites. Remember, these are words people actually typed into their search engines (accompanied by my own comments, of course):

"fixing dark gray play dough"
(Uh...good luck with that.)

"i spun around really fast and now my stomach feels sick"
(Don't kids ever go to their parents with questions anymore?)

"what does the mommy lizards feed their baby lizards"
(Does they feeds them Twizzlers?)

"garden hose potty training"
(Wha...?)

"how can i preserve my children's baby teeth in a paperweight"
(Okay, the hand print in plaster thing was cute, but let's not get carried away.)

"how can a mom be useful"
(I can't think of a single way.)

"lethal paperweights"
(Glad to know I've become a go-to source on this topic.)

"should i run for congress"
(If you are looking for the answer on Google, then probably "No.")