And people wonder why I don't want my husband to go into politics

Perhaps you've heard the tale of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, just the latest in a never ending stream of male politicians to publicly admit to an extramarital affair (that is, after they got caught). But can you believe the nerve of this guy? Thanks to my own procrastination and the frequently updated information on Yahoo! News, I've been following this story pretty closely, and it just keeps getting better and better. Here's the latest: [Bonus: in brackets, the conversations I imagine him having with his wife]

COLUMBIA, S.C. — South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford declared his Argentine mistress his soul mate Tuesday but said he is committed to reconciling with his wife in hopes of saving his family and what is left of his political career.
[Mark: "It's just, well, she's my soul mate. But, I'd really like to reconcile with you and save our marriage."
Jenny: "That's nifty, dear. Yeah, let's definitely stay married while you pine for your soul mate in another country and I never even come close to trusting you again. That sounds fun."]

Sanford, who also admitted meeting his lover more times than he had previously claimed, told The Associated Press in emotional interviews that he "crossed lines" with a handful of other women during 20 years of marriage.
[Jenny: "You 'crossed lines'? With a 'handful of women'? You keep changing your story as more facts come to light. Yet you still keep speaking as if what you have to say is credible."
Mark: "Hey, I'm a politician. It's what I do."]

But he said he never went as far as he did with Maria Belen Chapur, the woman at the center of the scandal that has derailed his once-promising political future.
Even with the latest revelations, Sanford maintains he is fit to govern and has no plans to resign. And he insisted his relationship with Chapur, whom he met at an open air dance spot in Uruguay eight years ago, was more than just sex.
"This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story," Sanford said. "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."
[Jenny: "Oooh, a tragic, forbidden, love story! How romantic. After your political career crashes and burns, you can write a steamy autobiography. I can't wait to read it."]

During more than three hours of interviews over two days at his Statehouse office, Sanford said he is trying to fall back in love with his wife even as he grapples with his deep feelings for Chapur.
[Mark: "I'm trying to fall back in love with you, but of course there's that 'soul mate' thing complicating matters."
Jenny: "Gee, how charitable of you. Although, I noticed you didn't ask if there was the tiniest speck of a chance I would fall back in love with you."]

Sanford detailed more encounters with his mistress than he had disclosed during a rambling, emotional press conference last week. The new revelations Tuesday led the state attorney general to launch an investigation of his travels, and some are calling for him to step down.
Among the encounters was what he described as a farewell meeting in New York this past winter.
But he saw Chapur again, this time over Father's Day weekend and after his wife expressly told him not to, leaving the country without telling his staff and instead leading them to believe he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.
[Jenny: "You're going hiking? Aren't you forgetting some special occasion this weekend?"
Mark: "Ummmmmm... Anniversary? Birthday? Valentines Day? Help me out here."
Jenny: "No, no, no, it's Father's Day. Remember those four boys who are always hanging around here eating all the food? They might want to spend a little time with you on Sunday."
Mark: "Oh, shoot. Well, why don't we just celebrate next weekend. We don't have anything going on then. Should be pretty quiet around here, we'll just have a nice private, peaceful time together."]

By the time he returned to a puzzled public, staff and family, his public image and emotional state had unraveled. He admitted the affair at a press conference televised nationally.
Sanford told the AP he saw Chapur five times over the past year, including two romantic, multi-night stays with her in New York — one in Manhattan, one in the Hamptons, both paid for in cash so no one would know — before they met there again intending to break up.
He said he saw her two other times before that, including their first meeting.

He has said he will reimburse the state an undetermined amount of the more-than $8,000 in taxpayer money spent on him on the trip, and he insists no public money was used for any other meetings with her.
He and wife Jenny, parents of four sons, say they are trying to reconcile their marriage but have not been sharing the same house for several weeks. Jenny Sanford found out about the relationship in January when she discovered a letter the governor had written to his mistress. She did not immediately return a message seeking comment Tuesday.
In early 2009, after Jenny Sanford discovered the affair, the couple went into counseling. She has told AP that he asked her for permission several times to visit the mistress and she refused.
[Mark: "Please?"
Jenny: "No."
Mark: "Please oh please?"
Jenny: "Absolutely not."
Mark: "But she's my soul mate."
Jenny: "I'm your wife!"
Mark: "You never let me have any fun."]

But the governor claims he wanted to end the affair in person and, with his wife's permission, went to New York with a "trusted spiritual adviser" serving as chaperone. The three went to church and dinner together and parted ways the same night.
[Mark: "Can I go see her if I promise it is absolutely, positively the VERY LAST TIME?"
Jenny: "NO."
Mark: "Not even if I go to church and take a trusted spiritual adviser along as a chaperone?"
Jenny: "Oh, okay, if there is going to be a chaperone. But be home by ten."]

But he visited Chapur again in Argentina on June 18, the trip that brought the affair to light.
He acknowledged that he had casual encounters with other women while he was married but before he met Chapur, on trips outside the country to "blow off steam" with male friends.
"What I would say is that I've never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have. You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn't have gone," Sanford said, declining to discuss details. But he said those encounters were nothing like his relationship with Chapur.
"If you're a married guy at the end of the day you shouldn't be dancing with somebody else. So anyway, without wandering into that field we'll just say that I let my guard down in all senses of the word without ever crossing the line that I crossed with this situation."
[Jenny: "Oh hey Mark, Bill Clinton called to wish you luck with your vague doublespeak."]