Baby Nuthouse: super duper special

My kids are really, truly special.

I know, I know. Your kids are special too.

Your children so adorable, they could be child models, or maybe actors, except you just want them to have a normal life.

They’re so brilliant, you might as well send them on to college except then they would miss out on the priceless experience of middle school gym class.

Yeah, my kids too. Adorable? Absolutely. Brilliant? Of course.

But my children go above and beyond those qualities.

My children are actually superheroes.

My oldest son is Professor X, a brilliant mentalist who is able to control and influence people’s minds, especially those of his parents.

The Professor uses his special powers of flawless memory and unwavering persistence, along with his secondary power of selective hearing, in his frequent attempts to take over the world--or at least get an extra dessert.

My middle child is Mister Fantastic, a shapeshifter who can change his shoe size in a matter of days, and (I told you he was special) he has a wide foot so he can’t wear any hand me downs from his big brother.

Perhaps most impressive, when engaged in a fun activity, and asked to leave said activity, Mister Fantastic can instantly double his weight while becoming completely limp.

Then there’s my daughter, Ms. Daredevil. She knows no fear, leaving her safety fully in the hands of others. She places plastic bags on her face, extension cords around her neck, and marbles in her mouth. She assumes that if it can be done by any mere human, then she can do it too. If she sees a ten year old boy jump off a picnic table, for instance, she is soon climbing up for a turn.

Ms. Daredevil is fond of trying to stand on my stomach and jump onto my head.

As a mere human mom, my meager strategies of manipulation, threats and rewards will not hold up for long against the superhuman powers of my children. My only hope is to mutate into a superhero myself.

Aside from the timeworn “Super Mom,” can anyone think of a superhero I could aspire to become?