Baby Nuthouse: welcome to the nuthouse

Hi there! I’m so glad you could stop by. It’s such a chore getting out of the house these days. As you can see, the kids are still in their pajamas. What time is it, anyway? Is it after ten? Really? Almost noon? Where does the time go?
Come right on in, just watch your step. The boys were racing their toy cars in here until the baby demolished the Lego grandstand. Speaking of the baby, watch out for her, too, she’s trying to sneak off with your cell phone. Isn’t it cute how she holds it and says “ha-wo”?
No, sweetie, you have to give it back—that’s not ours. Why don’t you go find one of your own phones?
Lucky for us cell phones only last about three days past the warranty expiration, so we have plenty of old ones for the kids to play with.
Anyway, here’s your phone back. Oops, sorry about the yogurt. Let me clean that off for you.
Please, have a seat, anywhere is fine. Well, you don’t want to sit on the couch—there aren’t any cushions. Where are those cushions? I turn my back and they disappear. Oh, and that chair is actually a letter factory right now. So sorry, but hey, how about this chair over here? I’ll just move this pile of laundry out of your way. I need to take it upstairs anyway before it ends up on the floor and covered in dog hair. Let me go throw it on the bed and I’ll be right back.
Okay, all settled? Can I get you something to drink? Let’s see what I’ve got in the fridge. We have whole milk, two percent milk, soymilk, vanilla-flavored soymilk…
Just some water then? Would you like ice? Hmmm, we seem to be all out of ice. Sorry.
So, tell me how you’ve been. What have you been up to lately? Wait, have you seen the baby? She was right here a second ago. Hold on, I better find her. You have to keep a close watch on that kid these days. Just when I think she’s past the stage of putting everything in her mouth, I find her munching on styrofoam.
Here she is, she’s just clearing out all the kitchen cabinets again. Now, you were saying?
Whoa! Did you hear that? That can’t be good. Let me go check on the boys. I’ll be right back.
Okay, sorry that took a while, I had to find some Band-Aids. Oh, they’re both fine. They insist on Band-Aids for any injury even when there is no visible mark.
Sorry, you were about to tell me something. You know, I guess since it’s 12:30 we ought to eat lunch, right? Which one of these sounds best: chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, or peanut butter and jelly?
You already ate? Well in that case, I’ll do the chicken nuggets. Not a favorite of mine, but two out of three of my children highly recommend them. The other one eats only four different foods, and chicken is not on his list. Let’s see, he had toast for breakfast, so he can have yogurt for lunch.
Anyway, you were telling me…NO! NO! NO TOUCH! Honey, you absolutely CANNOT TOUCH electrical outlets! NO TOUCH! Understand? Well, I’m sorry that made you cry, but I’m just trying to keep you safe. Here, why don’t you sit in your high chair. Your chicken nuggets are almost ready. What? You want milk? Milk? Yes, milk? Okay, one second. Where did your cup end up? Did I ever put that back in the refrigerator? No, here it is. Well, this is kind of gross, let me wash it off.
So, what were you—really? You have to leave already? Seems like you just got here. Where does the time go?